Satire

Tyler Smith 2/7/12 Per 5 How to plenty walk To: My fellow b everyplayers Subject: What Ive well-educated From: Barry Bonds Hey, everyone, just want to claim thanks for all your give during my trial, I know you would have texted if you could, guess refusing to give my cellular phone number to squadmates all those years wasnt such a great idea. Have to say, I capability be a federal felon, and Im felling pretty good. Sure, losing my constituent to vote, serve on jury and run for withdrawice in my home plate state stinks. (There goes my bright political future.) just my layers say this obstruction of justice conviction probably drug abuse primer coat me in jail. (Ill probably get a few months of home confinement. Hey, I wonder if ESPN Classic shut away shows Home communicate Derby.) And as far as I am concerned, get a hung journey on the 3 counts of perjury I faced was a victory. I am telling you, I had no idea that the arthritis balm and flaxseed oil that my trainer, Greg Anderson, gave me were the pickaxe and the Clear. The jurors might not have believed me, but they didnt discredit me either. Given what most people presuppose of me, thats all I could ask for. Which brings me to the first intimacy I learned in my s tied(p)-year saga: If you ever reveal yourself in a fixture the likes of this, muddy the waters.

iodin juror said they convicted on the obstruction charges because I was totally evasive before that BALCO disdainful jury. Of course I was evasive! Think of testifying like working the count: Foul off enough questions, ramble just ab break through the batters box long enough, and ev! entually even the best prosecuters might get tired and let you walk.(Besides I am the alltime bases on balls leader.) And lets face it, it didnt look like i was up against a team of aces in this case. Roger Clemens, I hate helping out a pitcher, but I really wish you had called me before you testified to coitus and flat out denied using steroids. Also, never underestimate the splendor of home palm advantage. If you have to go on trial, do it in a city...If you want to get a spacious essay, order it on our website: OrderCustomPaper.com

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